im angry

I have got to say I wonder what the hell I have done in my life to deserve the bad juju ive been getting. Seriously have to wonder what possesses a person to just immerse themselves in someone they have only known one day and say ya know what I am gonna stay with them for a few days and don't tell anyone those are my plans. Let the person who is their so called friend freak out and think that they are dead in a ditch somewhere because the only reason they knew the person was gone was because of the missing items in the house. Got to love the self centered asshole that does that to someone. Friend??? Yea do not make me laugh. If it had been made I would have been read the riot act from one side of the room to the other. The excuse was and I quote "I got caught up..." Um say what? So lonely for companionship we diss the one person who had to deal with all their bullshit for fucking six years??? The drunken shouts and gropes, the ignoring of the word "NO"...the way that they made you feel like shit with just one word or heavy laced sarcasm. Why stay you ask...cuz I have no where else to go. My family is just another trap...already the offers for babysitting have come through. Yes this person does deserve happiness...but I swear to all that is good in this world if they ever say their life sucks and wooo is me my job sucks I am going to flip worse than I did today. I need a job, fiercely...I am so damn desperate it is not funny and yet I need something that pays well enough that I can get the hell out of here. Yeah right...not gonna happen. I wasted alot of my life with stupidity here and foolishly clung to a relationship that I thought would last...now I am a stupid single girl, I hardly like or talk to my family. the friends I have cannot take me in and I only have two good friends. I gotta say I am on the edge of my damn sanity and not even the pleasure of reading is taking the craziness off. I hate feeling so damn insecure and just not myself. I havent been happy in ages and I am starting to think that I will not be nor will I ever have that special someone who drives me crazy in a good way.